A SPECULATIVE ESSAY

IS IT ABSURD to compare literary products– novels and books of stories and poems– with automobiles?

Yes and no. After all, one is considered “art” and the other merely engineering and design. Plus there’s the unwanted question of aligning literature with Capitalism– even though the literary realm is dominated by giant conglomerates– centered on the same Big Money island as them– with the literary intelligentsia as embedded in the publishing system as anyone, and long has been.

Besides, a few of us believe literature, done right, carries many of the same attributes as a well-made vehicle. Speed, power, beauty, and sound internal structure, to name a few of them.

WHAT IF?

What would the name of said literary car company be, do you think? I have one picked out:

STODGY MOTORS

Fits the vibe. General Motors circa 1970, but worse– stuck in an outdated mindset with an arrogant belief that only they know the right way to do things.

But for the Stodgy board members, everything is great!

“We have all these great models,” they tell themselves. “Why is no one buying them?”

Yes, after all they have their long-time favorite top-of-the-line model, the Proust, first introduced in 1913– same year as Ford’s Model T. (Shown: a more recent model.)

(photo c/o youtube)

Or, the much-lauded Woolf model. Not very quick– top speed of 45 mph– and uncomfortable seats, but will eventually get you where you’re going. Who could not want it? “The engineering is actually remarkable,” a Stodgy salesperson assures us. “Well put together, if you examine it closely. I mean, the parts fit. They really do.”

(photo c/o autoevolution)

Or the more recently designed Beckett. Another award-winner.

(photo c/o car.info)

But what about cutting edge design, consumers ask? The Stodgy Company has that covered, with a more experimental model they call the Kafka. Pushing the boundaries of, well, something.

(photo c/o ugly car)

“How can you not love it? All of it?” the Stodgy representatives ask.

They do. They’ve staked their reputations on their tastes and choices, and will not go back on them. It’d be unheard of. After all, who knows better than them?

“It’s a golden age for Stodgy, you see,” they affirm. “It really is.”

-reportage from Karl Wenclas for Fast Pop